I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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