I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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