Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So vagazzling was a success
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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