remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
