I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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