DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
