Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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