ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
