Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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