But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize