And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
