I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
