I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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