Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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