I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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