There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
