we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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