i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize