last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
