I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
