i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
