you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize