I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
