I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i think i just lost a toe
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
