a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
