I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize