Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
