Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
