YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
