Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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