Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
