Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
