New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
