Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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