My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
