aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
