Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
