Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
