Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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