We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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