my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
