I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
