So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
