Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
