Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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