the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
