do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
