the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
