if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
