Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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