Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
