god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
