Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
