In the future we'll all be gay
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize