I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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