No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She's the barista slut.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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