Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
