He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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