Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
