Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
