I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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