when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
