I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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