Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
