My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
