Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
