Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
