Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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