Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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