The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
