we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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